Day 19: Shadow of the Colossus

Confused about why we’re chatting? Even more confused about why we’re logging it? All the answers are here: The Mass Effect Multiplayer Experience

[13:37] <Seren-y-Gogledd> So I killed the biotic god last night

[13:37] <Southpaw>

[13:38] <Southpaw> She says casually

[13:38] <Seren-y-Gogledd> An Eclipse merc vaporized him, fart suit and all

[13:38] <Southpaw> So much for being a god. I guess

[13:39] <Seren-y-Gogledd> I don’t like being Renegade

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Some background: I was searching for violin chinrests on Google. Google apparently decided I was boring and needed some excitement in my life, and handed me a stack of furry porn websites in my search results instead of, you know, MUSIC STORES.

[13:43] <DesertBell> Oh! I figured out the furry porn thing. Apparently “chin rest”, besides currently being the cause of much neck & jaw pain, is also a sexual term.

[13:44] <Southpaw> WHUT

[13:44] <DesertBell> What?

[13:45] <DesertBell> As far as I can tell, it’s slang for taint. You know, for when you get tired down there.

[13:45] <Southpaw> I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since pretty much anything is a sexual term

[13:46] <Seren-y-Gogledd> Hehe taint.

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[13:49] <Seren-y-Gogledd> Heheh chinrests.

[13:49] <DesertBell> You should hear all the violinist jokes about fingering the g-string.

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[13:52] <Southpaw> Funny how Virmire scares me so much even though I would never kill Kaidan

[13:53] <Southpaw> And I WON’T LET MY DICE DO IT EITHER

[13:53] <Seren-y-Gogledd> KILL THE DICE INSTEAD

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[13:53] <DesertBell> I LOVE WREX SO MUCH IT HURTS.

[13:54] <DesertBell> inspecting the Normandy. She so pretty.

[13:54] <Seren-y-Gogledd> And huggable.

[13:54] <Seren-y-Gogledd> Er

[13:54] <DesertBell> I’m going to assume you meant Wrex….

[13:55] <DesertBell> I was like, “The only way you could hug the Normandy would be if you were the size of, like, Sovereign.”

[13:55] <DesertBell> And then I was like, “….ohshit.”

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[13:55] <Seren-y-Gogledd> Hackett!

[13:56] <DesertBell> Hackett’d

[13:56] <Southpaw> Surprise! What does he want now? Does his dog need to be taken for a walk?

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Hackett is scolding Shepard about punching Khalisah Al-Jilani

[13:56] <Southpaw> The dice say, –screw her

[13:56] <DesertBell> Tell the dice I love them.

[13:57] <Southpaw> *kisses dice*

[13:57] <Southpaw> Whoo’s a nice little dice? You! Yes, you are!

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In the Artemis Tau Cluster, everything has Greek names.

[13:58] <Seren-y-Gogledd> Sitting in the middle of Artemis Tau

[14:00] <Southpaw> Where to?

[14:00] <Seren-y-Gogledd> Dunno, it’s all Greek to me.

[14:00] <DesertBell> *groan*

[14:00] <Southpaw> I see what you did tharr

[14:00]  * Seren-y-Gogledd giggles

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Southpaw was having vehicle trouble all day… and it all started with the Thresher Maw.

[14:11] <Southpaw> FUUUUUCK I’VE DONE TWO MAKO SOMERSAULTS

[14:12] <Southpaw> Backwards ones because the fucker rose right under me twice

[14:12] <Southpaw> It was epic

[14:12] <DesertBell> That’s kind of awesome, dude

[14:13] <Southpaw> Aaaaand then I got out because it capsized me and then I FUCKING KILLED IT WITH MY PISTOL, ALONE.

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[14:32] <DesertBell> I love how Shepard rolls up on an archeological site, walks in, grabs the artifact, and takes off.

[14:32] <DesertBell> Somewhere, some scientist is like, “…GODDAMMIT AGAIN?! I JUST WENT TO THE BATHROOM.”

[14:33] <Southpaw> Scientists need to step up their game.

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Desertbell sucks at decryption.

[14:34] <Southpaw> Well, those were the two easiest hard decryptions I’ve ever seen

[14:34] <DesertBell> Speak for yourself.

[14:35] <DesertBell> It said “A”, I pushed “A”, it said, “Decryption Failed”

[14:35] <DesertBell> and I said, “Son of a bitch.”

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[14:49] <DesertBell> I’m a mindreading ninja

[14:50] <Southpaw> It’s easy to read a goldfish-like mind

[14:50] <DesertBell> That’s not true. We have bettas and they are mysterious and enigmatic.

[14:50] <DesertBell> I never know what they’re thinking.

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[14:51] <DesertBell> My previous fish experience was basically in Mass Effect.

[14:52] <Seren-y-Gogledd> And that’s usually just cleaning out the dead ones

[14:52] <DesertBell> And cursing kelly for not offering to feed them

[14:52] <DesertBell> I didn’t realize I was making an actual pet commitment. I though I’d buy them, they’d die a week later, and the kids would stop bugging me for pets.

[14:52] <DesertBell> IT’S BEEN A YEAR THESE GODDAMN FISH ARE IMMORTAL.

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Talking about getting Kelly to feed your fish in ME2:

[14:53] <Southpaw> Goddamn that woman

[14:53] <DesertBell> You practically have to promise to go down on her to get her to do it

[14:53] <DesertBell> And I’m like, “Damn, if I WANTED a fish taco, I’d just go up to my cabin and clean out my fishtank myself.”

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[14:54] <Southpaw> Also, why no automatic fish feeder? IT IS THE GODDAMN FUTURE

[14:54] <Seren-y-Gogledd> Hell, why not robo-fish that don’t eat?

[14:55] <Southpaw> Or that!

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[14:55] <DesertBell> Can I point out, “IT’S THE FUTURE, WHY NOT A REMOTE DETONATOR

[14:55] <DesertBell> OR A TIMED FUSE

[14:56] <DesertBell> OR NUKING FROM ORBIT

[14:56] <Southpaw> Nuking from orbit gets my vote

[14:56] <Southpaw> I wish it were an option in Dragon Age: Origins

[14:56] <Southpaw> Orzammar would be a mere smoking crater in most of my playthroughs

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Screencaps: http://sissysouthpaw.tumblr.com/post/13343824950/in-relation-to-this

[15:05] <Southpaw> Yeah, not killing these things on foot

[15:06] <Southpaw> Not before parking the Mako on them first, that is

[15:06] <Southpaw> HAHAHAHAHA trololol

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[15:08] <DesertBell> I just took out four geth with one cannon shot.

[15:09] <Southpaw> Four? Nice shot!

[15:11] <DesertBell> It was AWESOME

[15:11] <DesertBell> And then Wrex said, “I think we’ve got them, commander.”

[15:11] <DesertBell> I was like, “You have a powerful talent for understatement, Wrexxiepoo.”

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[15:16] <Seren-y-Gogledd> I’m slow today. Taken out too many armatures and colossi with a pistol.

[15:16] <Southpaw> And by slow you mean badass

[15:17] <DesertBell> You know who else goes slow? Samuel L Jackson. You ever see Samuel L run? No. BECAUSE SAMUEL L DOES NOT FUCKING RUN. Because he’s badass.

[15:18] <DesertBell> So there you go.

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[15:19] <Southpaw> Hey Kaidan, just for future reference: when I park the mako on an armature, DO NOT MAKE IT FUCKING FLY.

[15:20] <DesertBell> Tell me you screencapped it

[15:20] <Southpaw> Nope :S

[15:20] <DesertBell> Then I demand you do it again.

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[15:21] <Southpaw> It seems to have become my thing

[15:21] <DesertBell> Gravity? You don’t need no stinkin’ gravity

[15:21] <DesertBell> You’re a RULE BREAKER. Laws don’t apply to you.

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[15:25] <Southpaw> *parks on TWO armatures*

[15:26] <Southpaw> This will never stop being funny to me.

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[15:31] <Seren-y-Gogledd> At Liara

[15:32] <Southpaw> I guess I need to stop humping the colossus then

[15:33] <DesertBell> I hereby dub the contents of the Codpurse “The Colossus”.

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[15:34] <DesertBell> “Humping the colossus” is my new term for what happens the night before Ilos

[15:34] <Seren-y-Gogledd> Note to self: that WILL be the topic in here when we do Ilos.

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[15:34] <Southpaw> I humped the colossus into submission, am now in them tunnelz

[15:35] <Seren-y-Gogledd> I had no idea he was into that kind of thing.

[15:35] <DesertBell> I’m betting there’s already fanfic.

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[15:36] <Seren-y-Gogledd> There MUST be Shep/geth gangbang fic.

[15:36] <Southpaw> scary

[15:36] <Southpaw> because it’s most likely true

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[15:36] <DesertBell> I heard there was Zevran/ Mabari gangbang fic

[15:36] <DesertBell> Either heard or accidentally came across it

[15:37] <Seren-y-Gogledd> “Accidentally”.

[15:37] <Southpaw> ahahaha

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[15:37] <DesertBell> There are some seriously fucked up people out there.

[15:37] <DesertBell> I follow many of them on Twitter.

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[15:46] <Seren-y-Gogledd> Well, there’s plenty of cover

[15:46] <Seren-y-Gogledd> And you have two characters with Overload

[15:47] <Seren-y-Gogledd> It’s fun to hack one enemy too.

[15:47]  * Seren-y-Gogledd likes this engineering thing

[15:47] <DesertBell> If we ever end up on the actual Normandy (A la galaxy quest) I vote seren-y-gogledd is our tactician.

[15:47] <DesertBell> Southpaw can be our combat specialist

[15:48] <DesertBell> I’ll be in charge of the dirty jokes and sexing up Kaidan.

[15:48] <DesertBell> Look at me, doing twice the work. I’m such a giver.

[15:48] <Seren-y-Gogledd> A giver of blowjobs.

[15:49] <DesertBell> I’m okay with that.

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[15:50] <Southpaw> Combat specialist? Really? I’m the one who needs to park mako on stuff to kill them

[15:51] <Seren-y-Gogledd> You’re the Combat Pragmatist.

[15:51] <Seren-y-Gogledd> “Fair fight? No, YOU’RE A PARKING SPACE”

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Shepard suddenly has no idea how a forcefield works.

[15:58] <Southpaw> Say, –we can’t reach you

[15:58] <DesertBell> Engineer Shepard got her credentials off the extranet, methinks.

[15:58] <Southpaw> *snerk*

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Liara says she’s tired of talking to herself.

[15:59] <DesertBell> She thinks she’s tired of talking NOW, wait until she meets Tali.

[16:01] <Southpaw> She’ll miss being trapped.

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Liara is talking about her research into the Prothean extinction.

[16:13] <DesertBell> OHMYGODSHETALKSALOT

[16:13] <DesertBell> I vote that we never, ever take her and tali on a mission together.

[16:13] <Seren-y-Gogledd> They could talk the enemy to death.

[16:14] <Southpaw> That’s even worse than parking the mako on them

[16:14] <Southpaw> She talked so much I forgot whose turn it is.

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Liara asks what evidence Shepard has that the reapers exist.

[16:16] <Southpaw> –a vision

[16:16] <DesertBell> heheh. “I HAD A VISION. Clearly this is hard scientific fact.”

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Liara suggests that she and Shepard join their conciousnesses (is that a word?) together

[16:18] <DesertBell> And by “Conciousness” she clearly means “genitalia”

[16:18] <Seren-y-Gogledd> –Do it.

[16:19] <Seren-y-Gogledd> As I said to Kaidan.

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[16:19] <Southpaw> Are we not going to tell her we killed her mommy?

[16:19] <DesertBell> You know. First things first.

[16:19] <DesertBell> We’ll get to the trivialities later.

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Liara makes some interesting noises during the Asari Mind Meld, and then waxes poetic about Shepard’s incredible mind.

[16:19] <DesertBell> She came.

[16:20] <DesertBell> She’s all, “Commander… you’re the best I’ve ever had.”

[16:20] <Seren-y-Gogledd> Liara is now pregnant.

[16:21] <Seren-y-Gogledd> But the beacon made the baby half-Reaper.

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[16:21] <DesertBell> HAHAHA I thought that said “Bacon” and not “Beacon”

[16:21] <Southpaw> Hahaha bacon

[16:22] <Southpaw> THE bacon

[16:22] <DesertBell> Bacon/ reaper baby

[16:22] <DesertBell> IT KNOWS YOU FEEL THIS sizzling goodness

[16:22] <Seren-y-Gogledd> Who porked a reaper?

[16:23] <Southpaw> Hahaha porked hahaha

[16:23] <DesertBell> “YOU CANNOT RESIST my greasy goodness”

[16:23] <DesertBell> “THIS HURTS YOU by clogging your arteries”

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[16:27] <DesertBell> One of Harbinger’s lines is “Embrace Perfection”. I don’t even have to adjust it for bacon.

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Shepard decides Liara can join her team.

[16:22] <Southpaw> —you can come

[16:22] <Southpaw> NO YOU CAN’T >:(

[16:22] <DesertBell> She already did.

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Talking to Joker:

[16:28] <DesertBell> “Commander, tell me why you’re REALLY here.” “I HAVE TO GO.” Shepard has a little crush.

[16:28] <Southpaw> “why don’t you telle me why you’re really here?”  ”goodbye.”

[16:28] <Southpaw> Oh look, ninja strike

[16:28] <DesertBell> <does the ninja dance

[16:29] <Southpaw> But does it cease to be a ninja dance if you let other people you’re doing it?

[16:29] <DesertBell> Did you see me do it?

[16:29] <DesertBell> Nope.

[16:29] <DesertBell> Because I’m a ninja.

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[16:28] <DesertBell> Just call me…. TURBO FINGERS.

[16:29] <DesertBell> Only don’t really call me that.

[16:29] <Southpaw> TURBO FINGERS

[16:29] <DesertBell> Some people don’t take direction well. SOUTHPAW.

[16:29] <Seren-y-Gogledd> Leave the turbo fingering to Kaidan

[16:29] <DesertBell> Rawr.

[16:30] <DesertBell> Turbo fingering AND The Colossus? Is there any way this man is not extraordinary?

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Talking to Kaidan, trying to pick a dialogue option:

[16:32] <DesertBell> Oh, this is hard.

[16:32] <Seren-y-Gogledd> So is he.

[16:32] <Southpaw> Ohhohohoho

[16:32] <DesertBell> *faints*

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[16:33] <DesertBell> Seriously, guys, I would bathe in that man’s sweat.

[16:34] <DesertBell> And then I’d take a shower cause that’s kind of gross.

[16:34] <Southpaw> That’s a little disturbing but,… Yeah.

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[16:36] <Southpaw> Btw, ‘rahna’ is kind of like ‘cash money’ in Finnish

[16:37] <DesertBell> Does that make her a hooker?

(Kaidan says that everyone who LOVED Rahna tried to protect her.)

[16:38] <DesertBell> EVERYONE who loved her. Hooker.

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Go to Day 20: Having Hot Wrex

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